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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26510686">Silent Voices</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/escherlat/pseuds/escherlat'>escherlat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Life Is Strange (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:01:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,572</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26510686</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/escherlat/pseuds/escherlat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Chloe's had enough. Everyone she cared about has abandoned her. Set between Rachel's disappearance and Max's reappearance, she struggles against her inner torments to figure out what to do.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Silent Voices</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's in the air</p>
<p>Silent, waiting</p>
<p>I stand at the edge of things, at the edge of my life and there is nothing and no one looking back at me. I take another swig of beer, shaking it to get the last drops. The bottle is empty like me. With a flick, I send the bottle tumbling through the night. It crashes among the junk, its shattering death echoing around American Rust.</p>
<p>You left me</p>
<p>You both left me</p>
<p>All of you left me</p>
<p>To shatter</p>
<p>Stretched in front of me are the heaps and piles of life discarded. Old signs, broken cars, boats too expensive to repair, washing machines, too many things that are cast off, used and abused. On and on they go, each with a story. Once they were important to someone. A business sign that attracted families and and conversation and kept a business alive. A car that drove someone to work or vacation or simply to see friends. A boat that was someone's getaway, a little place away from it all. Each item has stories to tell, all were loved by someone.</p>
<p>Like me</p>
<p>Once loved</p>
<p>Now broken</p>
<p>Discarded</p>
<p>Abandoned</p>
<p>I sit atop the rusty boat cabin and swing my legs. A breeze blows hair into my face. In a moment, my beanie fixes that for me. The flick of a thumb flares fire into life as I light up. With another flick, the lighter is closed and I tuck it into my pocket.</p>
<p>Why'd you leave?</p>
<p>Was I really that horrible?</p>
<p>Am I really that worthless?</p>
<p>In the darkness of night the cigarette smoke disappears quickly. The moon shines onto most of the yard, but not here. The trees on the rise above keeps us in shadow. That’s how I like it. Bright light is so not me right now. If it ever was. An old habit pulls at me, tugging my mind with its whispers of relief. "You deserve this," it says in its beguiling way. "It'll make you feel better."</p>
<p>For a long moment I consider it. The cherry glow of the cigarette shines against my arm.</p>
<p>Relief</p>
<p>Satisfaction</p>
<p>Acceptance</p>
<p>Resignation</p>
<p>I pull my sleeve down and lay back. Another drag on my cigarette and I breathe out a smoke ring. It rises into the sky, widening, swirling, vanishing.</p>
<p>They didn't choose to go</p>
<p>But maybe you did?</p>
<p>I close my eyes and listen. Night birds call to each other in the distance. Nearby, a small animal runs through the bushes. From the other side of the junkyard comes the rustling of a larger animal.</p>
<p>We had plans. We were so close to leaving! Just a few more months and we’d have been out of this shit hole town.</p>
<p>Why?</p>
<p>Why’d you leave?</p>
<p>Without a word</p>
<p>Like the others</p>
<p>I know why you left. It’s why everyone leaves. People say they care but they don’t. Not when it really matters. And who would care about me? A broken nobody without a future. Written off by school, by the police, by my own fucking mother, and now you. Check, check, check, check: all confirm I’m a fuckup.</p>
<p>No, you didn’t leave</p>
<p>You wouldn’t</p>
<p>You can’t</p>
<p>I won’t let you</p>
<p>The cigarette is long out when I finally toss it over the edge. I stand and look across the field of broken dreams and discarded treasures.</p>
<p>I may be unloveable</p>
<p>But I can still love</p>
<p>Others abandoned you</p>
<p>I won’t</p>
<p>Let the others fail and betray themselves over convenience. You’re alive and out there somewhere. I will find you. I hop from the broken roof and walk across our gangplank. Once on the small hill, I move the gangplank aside. One final time, I scan the scene. From here I can’t see our getaway. It’s gone, hidden, much like you.</p>
<p>Where are you?</p>
<p>Why are you hiding?</p>
<p>What did I do?</p>
<p>What did you do?</p>
<p>Through the piles of forgotten dreams I walk to my truck. She’s my beauty, my treasure found among the discarded husks of life. Others saw her and left her to rot and return to the dust. Now she’s mine, returned to life through my skill and care. I will do the same with you.</p>
<p>No matter where</p>
<p>Or how long</p>
<p>When no one else cares</p>
<p>I do</p>
<p>In the cab, I pull out my phone and scroll through texts. Long ago I stopped sending them to you. Now I read them to remind me, to keep that pain fresh and solid in my heart. So many unanswered they blur before me. I return to scroll my contacts, looking for a distraction before the loss overwhelms me.</p>
<p>And there they are, the two that started it all. I stop with thumb poised over the entries.</p>
<p>Both gone</p>
<p>One in the ground</p>
<p>One in silence</p>
<p>What happened to forever?</p>
<p>Another flare, another drag. I flip the phone face down to hide what isn’t there. You got out of this shit hole. Left nothing but the shit here in this shit hole.</p>
<p>And that’s all it is</p>
<p>All that I am</p>
<p>All that I will be</p>
<p>What keeps me here when everyone else leaves? Why don’t I just leave? I don’t need anyone. No one needs me. Just start the engine and leave. The answer is below the surface no matter how I try to deny it. More than once it burst into my life. She knew even when I denied it.</p>
<p>I want to leave</p>
<p>Bu if I leave</p>
<p>How will you find me?</p>
<p>Do I want you to find me?</p>
<p>The smoke winds its way into the air, a forgotten solace in this place of discarded hopes. My wallet is in my hand, cigarette glowing from the tray. There’s a little money left. Most was used to print the posters. Posters that people hate, that they discard and disgrace. The wallet returns to my pocket and I stare again into the night.</p>
<p>It waits for me</p>
<p>Wants me</p>
<p>When nothing else does</p>
<p>But I’m not ready</p>
<p>Until I have answers I’ll ignore its call. The voice and words are so tempting, but I can’t go. Not now. I won’t be one of them. The urge burns in me to feel something, to do something.</p>
<p>Just once</p>
<p>No one cares</p>
<p>You’ll like it</p>
<p>It’ll stop them</p>
<p>No, it won’t stop them. It gives them a dreadful power. The last time almost ended me. Never again. It’s one reason I sit here in this wasteland. At Joyce’s house they are stronger. When he’s around, they are stronger. I’m so fucking tired of them. When you were around, they weren’t.</p>
<p>But you’re not around</p>
<p>And they know</p>
<p>They want me</p>
<p>When no one else does</p>
<p>With a roar, the engine starts and I tear out of the junkyard. There’s no destination in mind, just a need to move. Lights flash across bushes and trees as I tear down the road. Gravel turns into pavement and I turn in no particular direction.</p>
<p>Except there is a destination, one that I can’t voice to myself. Even when I pull into an empty parking spot and see it in the distance I can’t admit it.</p>
<p>It’s why I don’t leave</p>
<p>It’s why I fight them</p>
<p>It’s why she grew distant</p>
<p>It’s why my heart is dead within me</p>
<p>The lighthouse stands silent on the bluff, its light shining in the darkness. It’s not a light of hope but of torment. Because this is where we used to go. Memories mock me as I trudge up the path. Laughter and running feet surround me. I curse but they don’t care. With a laugh they sprint away to hide among the trees.</p>
<p>The bench is as it was. As it should be: weatherworn yet freshly painted. I sit and look across the bay. Moonlight glitters on the waves.</p>
<p>You’re here</p>
<p>Even when you aren’t</p>
<p>Why’d you leave?</p>
<p>Why’d you stay away?</p>
<p>Even this high the smell of brine is powerful. The lights of town shine from the left, small, distant, insignificant. Like me. Far below, the surf crashes against the rocks. During the day, gulls would be out, crying and fighting and eating. Now, only the surf and constant sea breeze keeps me company. The gulf has a peculiar call of its own. It wants me. Like no one else does.</p>
<p>Please come back</p>
<p>Before I’m gone</p>
<p>Before…</p>
<p>The surf is so loud it drowns out all other sounds. Near, far, it pulls at me. It soothes in a way few things can. I light up again, something else, something… better. With the bench as a bed, I gaze at the stars above. It’s sappy and goopy and I’d never admit it, but I wonder, are you gazing at the stars right now?</p>
<p>The lights dance to their peculiar beat, a flicker in the night sky. Here and there a plane passes. One or twice, a meteor streaks through the sky. The stars are scattered across the sky like…</p>
<p>I close my eyes, uncomfortable with that thought. I shouldn’t have that thought! Gradually, I relax, my body and mind loose as I lay on the bench. It quiets the thoughts that pull at me, that tease and taunt me. They go with my tension and anxiety. For a few minutes, my mind will be at peace.</p>
<p>I don’t know why you left</p>
<p>I just want you back</p>
<p>Please come back</p>
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